A Short Reflection on Hope
Just a week ago a man, a complete stranger to me, walked behind me in church and placed his hand on the back of my pew. I didn’t jump.
I went to the library and looked at the same shelf of books as someone else without worrying about whether or not it was safe. A few weeks ago, I asked my church small group to reorient back to the topic and I didn't feel like a bad person for "correcting" them. A few months ago, I stopped locking the door to my room at night and I no longer bite my nails when I’m nervous.
Signs of healing.
Three years ago, I went to the hospital. My mental health was declining and I knew that if it went on too much longer, I may not be able to keep myself safe. So, I called my sister and she drove me to the hospital in the middle of a snowstorm. That was a sign of healing. Why?
Because I knew I wanted to be well and it started with admitting to myself that I was sick. I remember laying in bed that night in the hospital, unable to sleep, but nevertheless feeling peace for the first time in months; I had made the choice to take care of myself and to hope for change.
Signs of healing come in so many different forms and it is so easy to miss them. But it's essential to notice them when they present themselves and allow ourselves to be proud of the progress we’ve made. It may be something small, like how I asked for a modification to my meal at a restaurant, something I wouldn’t have done five years ago out of fear of inconveniencing someone else, or it may be something much bigger, like no longer having panic attacks every week. Regardless of size, our moments of awareness help our hearts to have hope and to continue in the arduous journey.
My friends, I know all too well how easy it is to get caught up in how hard life is when healing from trauma and it is indeed necessary to notice the pain and allow ourselves to process it. But I encourage you today, as we await the Resurrection, to take a moment to notice where you have healed and let that breathe into your soul a seed of hope for more good things to come.
“Now then, stand ready to witness the great marvel the Lord is about to accomplish before your eyes."
1 Samuel 12:16